Loss and Remembrance

I have pondered writing this post for almost two months now.  It has been hard and finally I have come to the point that I can write about the untimely death of my friend Ed.  Ed’s death was unexpected and totally took me by surprise. You see, he was only approximately

two weeks older than

Leslie Cruz as Victorian Vampiress.  Photographer:  E.L. Hoyle, Jr. (2014)

I am.

I met Ed several years ago. I dated him briefly but when we decided that we were only friend material we became friends.  Ed and I shared a common interest in photography that fueled our friendship.  Although I love photography, he made it his career.  Ed was a wonderful photographer and took several beautiful pictures of me as a Vampiress in October of 2014.  He also worked at the theme park nearby to where he lived taking portraits of the park goer’s.

I learned of his passing via facebook.  I know, a real sad way to learn of the death of a friend.  It was hard to believe….I always thought there would be more time to talk/chat with him and even go visit him.  We had discussed me coming to visit, but I kept putting it off.  There would always be more time…we were only 40….we couldn’t die…. we were too young.  I now wish I would have just known that time would turn ugly and I’d never get to see him again in person.  I wish I had made the time to go visit, instead of putting it off because of the distance and my finances.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from this experience is:  Live every day as if you or your loved ones may die at any moment.  It is too late once they’ve passed on to Summerland (Heaven).  There is a quote/mantra that is on every section of my planner that I get from a success quotes newsletter that I’m subscribed to:  Live Today!  Achieve Today!! Tomorrow is Promised to No One!!!

I’ve been working on getting over his loss for the past couple months.  But each time I think I’ve finally come to terms with it I get some electronic notification on facebook.  A advertisement for Instagram will come up and say that my friend (Ed) is on Instagram. Or a post I made a couple years ago (the vampire pictures) is ready to share as a memory.  It’s always a slap in the face.  It forces me to acknowledge once again that he isn’t here anymore.

Death has always been my nemesis.  I’ve always hated it and as time goes on more and more of the people in my circle of friends and family are going to pass on.  The first person that passed away that was important to me was my beloved Grandmother Effie.  It took me several months to get over her death and I finally accepted that she was gone and in a better place, hopefully.  The difference between her death and Ed’s is that I had been expecting her death as she was 96 years old when she passed on to Summerland.  I didn’t expect him to pass on unexpectedly at the age of 40.  It is  a struggle for me to understand how one can be alive and vibrant one day and gone the next.

One poem that I find comforting is the following:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

____ Mary Elizabeth Frye

I will take one day at a time and remember that death is not the end.  It is only the bridge to allow us to go beyond the veil and enter Summerland where we will be able to see all those from our lives that have gone before. That thought brings me peace.


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